anthrax_island

everything. i quit all of it. i am bound to this wheel that takes me to such wonderful heights, only to plunge me to such abysmal depths. i can't tkae the ride anymore. i must destroy the wheel. and everything that makes it turn.

was another buckaroo banzai of a "surprise motherfucker" to all involved. i got to be with my buddy, the ever distant Deacon, for his bday shenanigans. I drank a lot less than normal, and stayed drunk on the people and love around me. Not everything went as planned... some people can't be counted on to get out of bed. overall, it was a great weekend, followed by work blowing up my phone looking for me on my scheduled day off. I have seen many things these past few days, including the wanton lust in the eyes of an attached woman, the mastery of guitar playing, and the bond it can forge between two boiz. i've seen suspicion and schemes in the eyes of a mediocre guitarist. i saw how willing some are to settle for ease, rather than strive for happy. I've been told that i have changed, and not for the better, which makes me wonder if it is me, or just the eyes that were seeing this change. I saw an eight foot tall woman folded up in a refrigerator for the sake of a picture, and i'm not even in a promising local band.

it seems i gained a new nickname over the drunken weekend. maybe i should cut down on drunken disappearing acts, considering the list of hospitals and jails my beloved jamie had checked off as not having me nor any "john doe's" fitting my description. i was not nearly as tanked or entertaining as dear aesthetic, but did put a dent in a bottle of scotch. the bartenders at the jungle either really liked me, or really hated me, i still dont know which. but it was a good party, and a surprisingly welcoming afterparty. i had not steeped foot in that building since 1997-98?, and it was the cool revival feel of the night i remember most.

I am in desperate need of money immediately. I never ask for help or handouts, so i'm offering my services. any work you've been putting off doing could really help me out right now. my number is 7705103704. will travel with tools within reason.

thanks

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=brian

1.1. A guy who's heart is captured by the same girl always yet lives his life as if she didn't exist when she's not around.
2. Term for the best guy friend conversationalist. Someone you can vent to an actually get feedback and opinions.
3. A reliable "lean on me" kinda friend
1. "God, he's really in denial about that girl---he's acting like a Brian."
2. She thanked him for listening and named him her Brian.
3. "You've been such a Brian to me since I met you. Thanks for always being there for me."
1. Brian 896 up, 277 down
1. A guy who's heart is captured by the same girl always yet lives his life as if she didn't exist when she's not around.
2. Term for the best guy friend conversationalist. Someone you can vent to an actually get feedback and opinions.
3. A reliable "lean on me" kinda friend
1. "God, he's really in denial about that girl---he's acting like a Brian."
2. She thanked him for listening and named him her Brian.
3. "You've been such a Brian to me since I met you. Thanks for always being there for me."
synonyms---kind sweet nurturing antonyms---jerk asshole dick
by Amanda Nicole Romanach Jan 23, 2007 share this add comment
2. Brian 651 up, 403 down
someone who is usually always irish with intreguing blue eyes. As with most irish people, he is almost always easier to figure out while heavily induced with alcohol. You're never sure if you want to date this person, or aviod them at all costs. Brian generally has no enemies, but at times is intensely disliked by his friends. He is great at making you feel big emotions, while using small words, and half ass'd glances.
That Brian is like great sex with your husbands best friend: highly addictive, and usually brings guilty feelings later.
addictive attractive shy without alcohol best friend enemy
by Lbebe22 Nov 25, 2006 share this add comment
3. Brian 270 up, 54 down
The name Brian is of Celtic origin and means; Strength and Honor. He is a very intelligent guy, who keeps his priorities straight and is extremely well rounded. Not only is he smart, but he is athletic, handsome, sexy, funny, and a great guy to hang out around. Trust me his somewhat klutzy personality can be funny when he plays the role/ He can often be very dramatic, in the good way. He is one of those guys that you can just share about anything with. He instantly just gains your trust. He is very reliable. Brian will always be there for a friend, no matter what the conditions. Brian is very creative and loves to contribute ideas. He has dreams of changing the world, and making it a better place for all to live. He is always true to who he is. He is a natural born leader, who can lead a group of people yet still have time for each individual. Only the lucky girls will get to be in a relationship with this guy, but anyone can be his friend.
"Man isn't he dreamy. He is such a Brian."

"That's my best bud right there. He is the greatest Brian ever."

"Everyone bow down to the Brian."

"Only a Brian can save all of humanity".

"He just pulled a Brian."
brian brain bryan hot sensitive wise handsome great friend leader strong one honor trust
by That Awesome Dude Jul 10, 2008 share this add comment

4. brian 248 up, 158 down
1. a guy's name
2. the dog from family guy
1. That guy in my class is named Brian
2. Did you see the episode where Brian owes Stewie money?
guy name dog family guy funny talking dog
by SexyLexie Aug 20, 2007 share this add comment
5. brian 316 up, 234 down
The meaning of this name is not known for certain but it is possibly related to the Old Celtic element bre meaning "hill", or by extension "high, noble".
Brian Boru was an Irish king who thwarted Viking attempts to conquer Ireland in the 11th century. He was victorious in the Battle of Clontarf, but he himself was slain.
name masculin celtic hill meaning
by The Bijoux Jul 25, 2006 share this add comment
6. Brian 174 up, 88 down
(n): The name Brian is of Celtic origin and means; Strength and Honor.
The Irish king Brian Boru exemplifies the meaning of his name.
brian celtic boru strength honor
by ResQ51 Dec 2, 2007 share this add comment
7. Brian 142 up, 72 down
A highly intelligent guy who is handsome, funny, sexy, a great kisser, and is hung like a horse. Basically the TOTAL PACKAGE! A guy that every woman wants to be with, but only the hot ones get the privilege of having him.
Woman: I’m the luckiest woman in the world…

Her Girlfriend: Why is that?

Woman: Because… I have a Brian!

Her Girlfriend: Damn girl… You are lucky… Can we share him?

Woman: Sure!! Sounds like fun… He’s hung like a horse, so there’s plenty to go around!!

Her Girlfriend: Great!! Let’s go get started then…

So, just like others in this area who have booked shows, I got a phone call tonight from someone trying to book a band for a gig in Atlanta. I will not name names, that would be petty, and I sincerely hope they end up finding a promoter. But good goddamn-what they stated was their absolute bottom line was fugging retarded. Like sofa king wee todd did. After discussing the date, the lineup and possible venues, They were still firm in the assumption that someone in the god-forsaken burg was going to pay them $2000 plus hotel for a show that there is a suspect draw for, on a MONDAY NIGHT!!!!!. Don't get me wrong, I would love to see this band live again, and would do anything to help whatever promoter has the delusional notion they could break even with them. I literally had to tell this guy i thought he had been smoking the stash again.... In those words. He then rambled off how many one-off shows they had sold out in other cities, and how there was no ay to get under the ridiculous number they were asking for. I told him he should take a more realistic look at booking large cities on better nights. After doing everything except calling him a blathering idiot (mind you, i did call him retarded and accuse him of being high), he still persisted in the fantasy of this being the biggest shit since rick james' comeback tour. I wished him luck, and told him if anybody did book the show, to have them contact me for ground support, catering, etc. And then i politely excused myself. I have taken shits that had more sense than this guy. Someone needs to smack the koolaid out of his hand.

considered that in each life, each relationship is designed to advance you to a certain point as a person, and then dissolve? I have spent some time lately looking at my past thru this intersting new set of lenses. If I carry on with this line of thought, it would mean I should actually thank the people who have hurt me most, because the hurt inspired the changes that made me who I am now. I would have to be grateful for the failed attempts to destroy my will, because in failling, they only strengthened my resolve. I don't know if I can do that. Or does the fact that I'm looking at it this way mean I already have? I don't know. I also bemoan the fact that this line of thought totally negates the concept of a lifelong relationship. By its reasoning, all relationships should dissolve after the attainment of the goal.And who sets the goals? who pulls the strings? Who determines when the goal is met? Were my wife's attempts to kill me mentally and emotionally her faults, or were they the unseen workings of a benevolent guiding hand set on making me stronger for the future? It makes my head spin. Regardless of what many of you have been allowed to see, I love passionately and deeply. I know no other way. And I'm finding myself loving others for the acts they have committed against me. The downside to that is it almost invites others to be abusive, or at the least, condones their actions. It almost seems megalomaniacal as well. As if every twist and turn of the road was designed for my progression as an individual, and the rest are merely players in my personal epic. I don't like to admit my egotistical view of the world that plainly. But then my line of thought convinces me my views of the world are just as key in making the changes to better myself. For the record, I am completely sober and well rested as I write this, and not prone to melancholy or mania. Why does this all suddenly seem like a better way of looking at the world? Like I should be slapping my forehead and saying "duh"?

Watched the Ian Curtis movie last night. Made me weepy. The acting was good, but I was more in love with the set dressing. Nothing too over the top, but little pieces here and there paying tribute to the music of the time. I wonder if the emotional abuse Ian's wife suffered was behind his less than flettering portrayal? HMMMMMMM. Still, a great flick, and a must-see for a Joy Division fan. If anyone wants to borrow, I have.

When you kill your lover in an act of homoerotic asphyxiation, and cover it up by calling it a suicide, it's still murder. When you deflect attention from your guilt by pointing the finger of blame towards those on your personal vendetta list, it's still murder. When you laze away in obscurity whining about your PTSD, your mother's failing health, and the events in your town that you only experience thru third-hand stories, it's boring as fark. When you stick your head up the asses of those around you that have become successful, it only serves to make you look more pathetic. Short, fat and bald is gonna be big next year... just wait! It'll be a major shock to the world we all know is obsessed with aesthetics.




















When you poke a sleeping dragon, it's suicide. Have fun painting. I'm sure your little man-toys will look great.

Nemesis and I are heading out in about an hour to drive south. We have another awesome gig next week in Birmingham as well. When you're old and have a REAL job you sometimes have to space out your adventures, just to appease reality.

Consider this the official
"Jagerbombs, Devil Horns, & Middle Fingers" tour of the southeast.


Panama City Beach, FL
Club La Vela
Nov 29th




Nov. 29th, 2008


Black List


BLACKLIST - a true underground event!

The whole Underground has been transformed into a Goth Chamber as two of the best DARKWAVE, GOTH, and INDUSTRIAL DJs spin the music you won’t hear anywhere else.

Imagine hundreds of people dressed in gothic attire dancing to the sounds of Front 242, Nine Inch Nails, Skinny Puppy, Marilyn Manson, old Depeche Mode, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Nitzer Ebb, Kraftwerk, Sisters of Mercy, White Zombie, Lords of Acid, The Cult, Praga Khan, KMFDM, System of the Down, Time Lords, My Life with the Thrill Kill Cult, Speedracer, and so much more…all played on a 50,000 watt soundsystem that will give you a chest concussion while incredible intelligent lights will dazzle your senses.

Come, experience the sounds of a new Underground, remixed and spun live by Atlanta’s DJ NEMESIS and DJ Lechter from Charlotte, North Carolina, both flown down for one night only to host this event. DARKWAVE, GOTH and INDUSTRIAL the way you have never heard it before, Saturday Night, November 29th in the UNDERGROUND at Club La Vela!